Tuesday, March 31, 2009

忙碌吗?

最近的几天都很夜回家,其实可以算是很多天没见到家人了,这星期天的扫墓我又缺席了,应该好几年了吧!没有去扫墓。其实很害怕,害怕家人当我一点都不关心家里的所有事,我还以为自己做了好事,找到了方法可让我大伯的病情减轻,至少不让糖尿病夺取他的小腿,怎知其实一早都已经锯了。我不懂如何,只能责怪自己真的一点都没去注意没去问候。

从小,我都有不爱跟父母商量任何事的习惯,也许从小到大它们都给我一个印象:“别给我麻烦”。我还记得我大巴士搭过站,结果自己走了半小时回家。我都不爱麻烦他们,他们也不爱麻烦,我在外面做了什么,他们也不懂,我也不想多作解释。当然,年纪大了,他们也不像以前那么理我,我就跟不会告诉他们所有的事情。还记得中华的第一公演结束后,我在车上被父亲骂了后在车上哭了,我怨他浪费我的票,我怨他从来都不去了解我在做些什么。

现在想起,其实自己也很没用,从小到大,我得到最好的,我读最好的学校,我进私人的学院,那我自己喜爱读的,也根本不去顾虑他是否赚钱,什么事我都跟自己爱做的去做。到头来,感觉上什么都没得到。
昨天和一位小学朋友喝茶,她说我做的东西太多了,其实我心里也很怕几头都不到岸,到头来什么都不是,最后只能选回自己最不想选的。

2 comments:

MON said...

加油吧~
你做得太多了!不過能力可以得話,多嘗試無妨,別兩頭燒就好了!

多一些站在家人的角度吧!
他們真的無法了解你,沒去了解你嗎?
還是他們其實根本沒有機會....

redpepper said...

I think i understand what you're saying. I used to feel the same way too (maybe the same) i've never really like to explain the things i do to my family because i knew they wouldn't understand anyways.

But the things that has happened lately made me see clearly, the undeniable fact that, if there's one true standing love in this world, it's my parents love for me.

But that's just for me though i have a strong feeling yours is too.

It's so hard to choose between reality and things we like to do, huh? Most of the time the choices are already made, and their even our choice. Then again, it wasn't our choice to be here in this life in the first place.

Optimism and the ability to laugh at ourselves are the best survival tools i guess.

=) I agree with Mon and I'm always cheering for you! Hugz.